“Why’re You Hitting Yourself”

Directed by
Jason Ensler

Writing Credits  
Adam F. Goldberg … (creator)
Andrew Secunda … (writer)
Sally Bradford … (written by)
Stacey Harman … (staff writer)
Kristopher Valentine … (staff writer)

Beverly crowns herself “The Matchmaker”.  She decides to sit Pops down to tell him the kind of woman he needs…and she’ll find her for him.  Pop’s gives Bev a list of his own “wants” for a woman….and it’s a interesting list.  Barry and Adam actually bond…and what brings them together is….blurry and sexy?

STORY ONE:  Adam and Barry Work Together
Adam and Barry find a hidden channel on TV that helps bring them together.

STORY TWO:  Beverly The Matchmaker
Beverly plays matchmaker with Pop’s love life.

October 12th 1980-Something

Taras starts out with his big pet peeve…..why do people say “‘I’m not even going to lie about….” Does this mean they lie about everything else?  Do you #Goldnerds have any pet peeves?

Any General Hospital fans out there?  Were you on Team Luke or Team Laura?  Todd never watched General Hospital BUT Taras has an older sister….so he DID watch the show.  Taras did admit he watched the show because Laura was so hot.  You want to reminisce with General Hospital?  We have a little General Hospital clip for you on our The Goldberg’s YouTube Channel

Scrambled Channel porn!  Who didn’t either look for this or actually find it!  We did.  It was pretty common back in the day to stumble across a late night channel that if you watched long enough, you’d spot a greyed blurry nipple or two.  This brought Barry and Adam closer as brothers, but did take Adam away from Erica.

Bev the matchmaker…Beverly is sitting with “Pop’s” to find out what he wants in a woman, or more specifically, what Bev wants him to look for in a woman. Here is a little list of what Bev wants for Pop’s:


What Bev Wants For Pops (video link):

  • at least 5’-2”
  • kind eyes
  • age appropriate but sprye
  • a great sense of humor BUT does NOT steal the show
  • sweet and cute

What Pop’s Wants Her To Be (video link):

  • Dangerous
  • Alluring
  • Smart – “Mensa” Smart
  • Dumb while making sensible decisions (sooooo dumb)
  • A slender dancers body
  • “Bendy” like a Chinese acrobat
  • Lips like Carly Simon
  • Long hair like a Mermaid
  • Exotic, but not too exotic.
  • Latin Flavor, but impossible to know exactly where she came from.


Barry and Adam try to clear up their scrambled porn, so of course they decide to send Adam up on the roof to mess with electrical wires.  Once Murray and Beverly leave the house, Mission Golden Falcon Shark begins.  Is this mission too much for Adam to handle?  Is the roof a little slippery?  Does the porn get any clearer?

Todd and Taras talk about their lives with siblings.  Did we ever fight with them, did we ever “Punch Face”?  Who was the punch-er and who was the punch-ee?

Todd talks a little about how he has 4 sets of grandparents and a little more on his “story” about being adopted.

Taras talks about how he went on a blind date set up at the age of 14!  (who gets set up at 14??)

Pop’s lay’s down the law on Beverly.  He tells her to quit “mixing in” with his love life.  Pop’s also explains to Bev why he’s not interested in a serious relationship and Beverly is really surprised when she hears it.

But in the end, Pops loves Bev and knows she does it because she cares.  So the Goldberg love continues……….
But Adam F. Goldberg saved the best for last.  The Encore Scene of the show has Barry telling Bev what HE wants in a woman.


iTunes Link to our show:  “Why’re You Hitting Yourself”

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